Just ramblings...

January has been both a delightful month for me, and also a month full of introspective battles and self-evaluation. My best friend of nearly five years proposed New Year's eve -- and I said 'yes', of course! So with being freshly engaged I've been experiencing the new butterflies of excitement...wedding planning bliss. It really all does hit like a whirlwind...there are a MILLION things to take into consideration for planning a wedding...and even with 11 months left for ironing out details, deadlines start flying by all too quickly. For instance, my last post was a sneak-preview of engagement announcements I'd been working on. Here we are nearly a month after the proposal...have they been completed and mailed?? No. Why?? Because I'm engaged to a pre-med student who is genius, hardworking and so dedicated to succeeding that he rarely has spare time after he's done with school and work.....and I need him to edit our 'official' photo to put on the announcements. That is finally getting done this evening. I shall survive...I think.

But the above-mentioned 'introspective battles' don't consist of the pressures and decisions involved in planning a wedding...but more of what my life is going to be after I say 'I do'. Like I mentioned, I am engaged to be married to a pre-med student. He has a year and a half left of undergraduate studies, and then we'll be packing up and moving to the big city (not sure which med school as of yet), where we will live for at least another four years. After that, we could very well move again while he completes his residency. And then......if we don't want to permanently settle wherever THAT may be, we will move yet again.

Giant #1 -- I hate to move. I thrive on making my home my haven, settling into a town and putting down roots. I am a homebody. And I feel homeless at the prospect of the next several years.

Giant #2 -- Whatever 'big city' we live in, we won't be able to afford rent close to the school (anyone checked out living expenses in Seattle?? GOOD GRAVY... $1200/mo ish for a TEENSY apartment!). Anything further away from campus will result in a long commute for Justin, which isn't possible with the anticipated study load. Therefore, we will be living in campus housing for the next five-ish years. Great...BUT...I will have to work around my seven cats somehow. No pets in campus housing.

Giant #3 -- I hate the city. I grew up in a town of 5000 people. I hate traffic. Are you kidding?? I'll give myself a stroke road raging in big-city traffic (that, or I'll have a claustrophobic meltdown when I've been sitting in the same traffic jam for an hour). I'm afraid...afraid of the crime rate in big cities. Actually, honestly, I'm scared witless if I think about it too long.

So...at this point, the eccentric-homebody-country girl of a cat lady must come to terms with moving around like she's in the military, she must either find homes for all seven of her cats (which will be an emotional mountain cuz I get uber attached to animals) or find a small place to rent out of the expensive parts of town...just for the cats (oh yeah, I'm not known for being practical when my pets are involved).

No sweat. Pfftthh...

That's just the logistics of it...there's more. Marrying a man planning on being a doctor means that I'll basically never see him until the day he graduates medical school. When he IS home, he'll be studying his brains out...and time for conversing, going on dinner dates, projects around the house...all of it...that time will be non-existent. I will be left to myself to get acquainted with each new city, meet the neighbors, do the shopping, get the cars serviced...any part of daily life...it'll be more as if I'm single than newlywed.

Giant #4 -- I'll be facing these giants by myself.

Marriage is about sacrifices and struggles... but I feel like I'll be jumping in headfirst. And knowing he'll be so busy for so many years makes it harder, too....but...

I knew all of this all along...and it's most definitely not a matter of 'if' I should go thru with all of this, but a matter of 'how'...because I'm in love, darn it...and people go thru hell for the heaven called 'love'...

I think I just needed to rant.......such a long post....I suppose I'm making up for not blogging more this month. ;p